April 29, 2020

To Settle or Not Settle. That is the question!

As I seldom do is I grab my phone and stroll through social media and I kept seeing things about what women needing to be able to do to get a husband or “Not being able turning a whore into a housewife,” or if you want to be married with children by a certain you should just settle. There is always someone to criticize another person doing what we’re trying to do, online. We always find the speck in someone else’s eye but never look in the mirror to see our own. My mama use to say, “The world would be much better off if folks would just learn to mind their own business.”  

Wait what?! What the hell?!

In 2020, women are making more money and have become most education, owning our businesses, we are being told to settle just to say that we have a man, any man after continuing to dig ourselves out the trenches. Or to appear like we have a that “happily ever after or be shamed because of the latter?”  

Having social media is like having a window into the lives of our next-door neighbors so we think we can have a say in someone’s else business solicited or not. We are all so bold and invincible sitting behind our screens. 

Women are falsely convinced to believe that if we aren’t the perfect accessory to a man by age thirty or forty that we aren’t a catch or we somehow don’t measure up.We are expected to accept a man just because he can rap or catch a ball or stay out of jail and be happy that we were chosen to bare his children and hopefully his last name. As for someone to only think women worthy of putting a ring on it if we can cook, clean, nurse, chauffeur, all while being a freak in the bed so he hopefully, might not, kind of, a little bit stray.  Men have to be able to build the table big enough for everything we’re bringing to it.

Black Women are the most underestimated, underappreciated, underpaid, under protected, over worked, over looked, overly educated and over compensating humans in the universe, we are just f%*kin over it. Although, happiness knows no ethnicity neither does pain or neglect or abuse, insecurities, nor love.

No matter how it looks be it on reality tv or in a book or at the bank infidelity is not new, today it just recorded and played out for the world to view but doesn’t have to be accepted. No man has ever proved that being a woman makes you weak, we endure too much and suffer more than a man could ever understand so to say we deserve to accept any man because of our ages or attitudes or our race. When has a man been told to settle for any kind of mate because he’s reaching a certain age? 

Women have proven the strength of our love and we love hard and deserve the same amount in return if not more. We have also proven to others that we can be our own worst enemies as well. We have been tricked into thinking we’re competing, tricked into thinking that we have to help destroy our sisters. Don’t ever believe that you need a man because we are capable of doing for ourselves but it does sweeten the thought if you add a good man that takes care of his family.  

We always get the what’s left overs but yet should be grateful if a man or boy chooses us, when we deserve the world but only given left overs but told to reach for the stars. We all have witness another sister’s downfall due to a man or shortage of good men. We have borne witness to self-destruction at consequences of bad decisions made in the tornado known as love, when good sex or money or emotion makes you lose common sense. We’ve all been there done that.

When will men learn they were made to love protect and adore us? But if I stand up and demand my respect and my place in THIS world am I a Bi%@h.

If you look back in any, ANY, part of history a black woman was the foreground to every single part. Grab a history book open it and point ‘A Black Woman.’ 

Harriet Tubman, Shirley Chisholm, Hattie McDaniel, Whitney Houston, Lena Horne, Josephine Baker, Diahann Carroll, Madame CJ Walker, Toni Morrison, Beyoncé, Michelle Obama, Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott King, Misty Copeland, Angela Davis, Afeni Shakur, Voletta Wallace, Bessie Smith, Maya Angelou, Simone Biles, Serena Wliiliams, Ruby Dee, and Keisha Bottoms, Issa Rae, Ava, and a million more.  

Beyoncé said during “Homecoming Live’ on Netflix she had a difficult pregnancy, she developed toxemia, and preeclampsia, all high blood pressure related and very serious conditions. She had to rebuild her body  for 2018 Coachella where she rehearsed for 8 months and did SoulCycle burning 1500-2000 calories a day not including a very strict diet of no breads, no carbs, no sugar, no dairy, no meats, no alcohol, no fish, all while breastfeeding her twins after  having an emergency C-section also called a cesarean at 218 pounds at the time of birth. 

 Unless you’ve been living under a rock and didn’t check out “Lemonade” the queen herself told us her husband had got caught up cheating (Jay-Z admitted to his discretions in his album and in a few interviews) which isn’t our business but being out in the public eye they don’t really control everything said about them. We all know Bey is smart and busy: designing a clothing line, breastfeeding closing deals while killing it on stages and having babies, acting, delivering orange boxes (I didn’t get mine yet JK) giving back and writing just while being #blackgirlmagic but even she wasn’t exempt neither. 

 But wait, don’t go compare yourself to anybody period, not even Beyoncé  and Cardi B, who also has a public relationship. It’s already only one of them GOD created, so don’t go killing yourself trying to duplicate those women, you’re dope as is.

 History has also proven time and time again that no matter how good you are to any man, that doesn’t guarantee that you will be spared in types of pain or heartaches.

A doll discarded after a girl outgrows her, but is she trash?

My point is never let anyone else views of living allow you to live your life according to anyone else’s standards. Being older and unwed with or without children is not the worst thing in the world. Some many times we get caught up in other people’s opinions that we forget the magic we possess in the mist.    

I will be very honest kids have a way of changing who you are as a person, good and bad. Children ground you and give you a reason to change and to live, but they can be draining and exhausting. It’s a very powerful love that will make you risk your very breath for another life that will cause you to sacrifice for them is nothing to compare what our bodies endure during our lifetime.  

I know women that have chosen not to do either and their lives don’t look bad at all. Most people have not experienced living out their dreams so why would allow them to set standards and limitations on ours? 

What is about women where we’re not looked upon as equals? Because we are not equal, we are so much more that we don’t even compare to anything else. We are the giver of life and without us there would be none.  

So as long as there is a Barak Obama for Our Forever First Lady Michelle, and Russell Wilson for cousin Ciara, and a Nipsey Hussle for Lauren London we don’t have to accept Ike or Chris. We deserve that “Happily Ever After” just as the next woman.  

Sis, go be G R E A T!  

Don’t worry about anybody else’s prayer for a mate, Tell God YOURS.   

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